Termination Notice
As far as mascots go, I, Louis XIII, happen to be the fluffiest of stuffed hamsters, save for a little singeing around the mid-drift. It’s a tough job and the survival rate is... well, let’s just say my twelve predecessors weren’t with the company long enough for their employee benefits to come online. Unfortunately, we all caught the attention Scourge Tech’s of engineering department, who like to include the mascot during field testing exercises. I know, right? This seems like a legitimate complaint for HR, but what’s a stuffed hamster to do?
I’m sitting on a metal tabletop in the lab, and it’s quite cold—the tabletop, not the lab. Although, the lab is chilly too, I suppose. Anyways. This guy next to me, that’s Murdoc. He is sitting here, with his elbows on the table, eating pistachios, because a) who doesn’t love pistachios and b) what this story really needs is a sponsor.
Murdoc’s hair is a frazzled mess and he keeps wiping his hands on his lab coat. He’s also the vice-lead engineer, and one look at his hair explains why the CEO went with Steve during the last lead-engineer selection process, passing Murdoc over for the third time in a row. I mean, come on, if you can’t manage your hair, how are you going to manage a department?
“What do you think, Louis?” Murdoc asks. “I’ll bet the targeting system acts up and embarrasses Steve. Bets?”
I didn’t answer. Obviously. But he’s referring to Steve taking the board of directors through a prototype demo.
“Man, just think. It could be me running that demo.”
Perish the thought.
The prototype was a bipedal amalgamation of guns, sensors and sleek rounded surfaces. One of the engineers, probably Gary, thought they were being cute when they painted Kawasaki on its chest plate. While I can appreciate the nod at another potential sponsor, I don’t know that they’re involved in developing many weapon systems. Motorcycles and helicopter transmissions, sure, but the genocidal efforts on my kin would probably be viewed as a bad look for Kawasaki.
“X5,” says Steve. “That chair is a terrorist and has a firearm.”
The prototype orients, red targeting beams fixing on the indicated innocent bystander, who happened to be the nearest lab chair.
The board look on with rapt attention, some even covering their ears.
“Don’t worry,” Steve announces. “X5 won’t actually engage unless it senses criminal activity.” He continues through the demo, and when it concludes, he gets embarrassed, grinning as the board applauds.
“Great job, Sam,” the CEO says, stepping in to shake his hand.
“It’s ‘Steve,’ Sir,” Steve replies.
“Right, you are. The board and I pre-approved your department’s funding increase. They just needed to see your demo succeed.” The CEO pulls out a stack of documents and flips to the last page to tap on a bottom line. “Now, if you’ll just sign here, we’ll be all set.”
Steve leans closer and pushes his glasses further up his nose. He reaches for his breast pocket, then starts to pad himself down. “Uh, let me go get a pen.”
“Not to worry, Patrick,” the CEO replied, reaching into his coat. “I’ve got you—”
“Heez going for hiz gun,” came a robotic voice, X5 orienting on the CEO and showering him with a host of red lasers.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!
The eruption of gunfire drowns out all other sounds as the CEO jerks this way and that like he is dancing, his pristine gray suit sprouting red blossoms all over. Screams replace the sounds of gunfire as the rest of the board run for their lives.
Steve is still standing in the same place, the stack of papers in one hand and reaching for the pen he never received. He looks down to the CEO, who’s sprawled out and looking very Louis II. After some mental gymnastics, Steve glances around, then stoops to take the CEO’s pen wielding hand to scribble on the paperwork.
“Fell-ony fraud detek-ted.”
Steve has just enough time to turn is stupid surprised expression back to X5, when—
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!
“Huh,” Murdoc says. “Looks like I may actually get that promotion this time.”
God, help us.
Writing Prompt:
Your new prototype security mech just glitched and shot the CEO to death in front of the rest of the board of directors. Uh... oops?
