Perilous Plunge
Double doors towered over me in my world of shadow, their only indication being the light that peeked through the frame they were set in. I pushed and they opened, music sweeping over me as the next room revealed a shimmering of chandeliers, gowns, and masquerade masks. I crossed the threshold in a daze. She was a lifetime ago, and yet, I knew she was here.
I crossed onto the dance floor, compelled by a force that couldn’t have been my feet, spinning forms and masked intent twirling by in a blur. They all smiled, laughed, and swooned—all of it a mockery of what I couldn’t have. And that meant he was here too.
Then, I saw her—a blur like all the rest, and yet, set apart from them. A gown of white spilled down around her, and as I turned, everything else parted and fell away, leaving just the two of us. Long gloves extended up past her elbows, her shoulders exposed as her white mask covered everything but her lips. Still, I knew it was her, the two of us stopped as if meeting in a crosswalk, the traffic continuing to pass us by.
‘Do you think you can just forget?’
Her words haunted me, rushing back to fill every moment of quiet and leaving me with none. I moved to stand before her, my hands going into my pockets for want of a straight jacket.
Hey. How are you? How’ve you been? Fancy meeting you here. The rehearsed niceties flooded back into my thoughts, the endless reverie of conversations I’d had so many time before with none of it ever mattering at all. No time, space, or super power could offer up the words that I needed to say. So, I just reached for her, my hand moving towards the goosebumps on her arm.
“You came,” she said, her words jarring me from my malaise.
I managed a smile. “Of course. Wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
She stepped close and ran her fingers through the side of my hair. “Your hair. It’s gotten so long. I hope you’re taking care of yourself.”
“Yeah. Just sorting through some stuff, you know?”
Her eyes looked right through me, but neither of us wanted to hear the truth spoken aloud. So, she nodded. “I’m here, you know? If ever you need me. I’ll never leave your side, Daniel.”
I attempted a reply, but a growing clap interjected, the formal sea parting once more to reveal a figure in a black tux as his white gloved hands clapped before him. “I thought I smelled desperation,” he said. “Who else could it be but you, Danny-boy?”
I stepped in front of her and squared on him.
“This isn’t going to change anything. Why do you keep coming back? You can’t save her.”
She touched my back. “Just leave it alone. We can go someplace else.”
“That’s right. Run away, Danny-boy. It’s all you’ve ever done. One would think you’d be quite good at it by now. What are you going to do with all that experience?”
“No,” I said, my throat feeling hollow as my lip quivered.
“Oh? What’s this? Did you run into a backbone somewhere along the way?”
“No... No more.” My jaw tightened and something changed. Power flooded into me, crashing through my body, bounding off the dam that was the inside of my skin, the rush moving into my fingertips, an electric arc connecting my fingernails and seizing my open hands into fists.
He shielded his eyes, a shinning light falling over him.
“Please don’t,” she whispered, her head settling against my back, her words sending ripples across whatever had filled me. “I can’t bare to watch this.”
I have to, I thought, the endless torrent ceasing as her touch fell away. Never again.
The floor cracked, waves beginning to billow off of me to send forms tumbling away. He stood erect, his hands stretching to each side as he laughed. “Marvelous! Where did all of this come from?”
I lunged, the floor crumpling from the force. My fist shot forward and caught him on the jaw, his head racking around and knocking the smile some place else.
He tumbled, his feet repeatedly passing over his head as I pursued. He regained his feet, skidding backwards and raising his crossed arms before his face.
My fists streaked with blue light, striking his arms and shoving them into his face, his back slamming against a wall. I hit him with an uppercut to the gut, his hands moving to block, his eyes widening as he gained line of sight of the glowing asteroid converging on his unprotected face.
The punch drove him through the wall and out into a desolate landscape that surrounded. A barren orange bathed the shriveling world as a sunset highlighted a horizon that was unbearably far away.
No more. It became my mantra as I endlessly pursued, his feet finding their way under him again each time I arrived, a meteor shower in tow. My fists ignited the air but didn’t burn up, all of them arcing to meet their intended destination.
He was right. And we both knew it. I had run. I had been running all along. And I had gained so much experience with it. And so it was time. Time to stop and turn. Accept what I’d been fleeing and finally face it. I wasn’t going to stop running, but I was damn sure done with running away. It was time to run towards something.
The landscape broke, the chunks of debris dislodging and rising to suspend against a star strewn backdrop. My speed increased exponentially as I bounded around an elevated ring of debris, my passage streaking over top him.
He stood and looked back up, my speed so great that I appeared as different figures standing over him in judgment. He was battered, blood coming away on his white glove as he looked up to all of me, then spit. “None of this matters! You can’t change anything!”
He was right again, and we both knew that too.
‘Maybe it’s better if you just forget. Forget we ever met. I just can’t stand to watch you keep doing this to yourself.’
“It doesn’t matter!” he yelled as I left every perch, seven fists converging from as many directions. He clinched his fists and howled in defiance. “This changes nothing!”
“You’re right,” I echoed. “But that doesn’t make me wrong.”
His footing crumbled, the celestial bodies converged, and a flash of white erupted, then twisted and drew into a black sphere.
The next thing I knew, I was back on the barren landscape, my steps faltering as I walked back towards her waiting arms. I stumbled, my strength gone. My clothes were in tatters and I was coughing up blood.
She stooped and descended as we fell, turning me to rest against her lap, her tears falling to strike against my swollen face.
I reached up to her. Both my fingertips and my words wanting to sooth her, to wipe away her tears and to tell her that everything was going to be okay. You worry too much. I’m fine. Focus on getting better. More mental reversals that I could never convert into sounds.
“Why, Daniel? This isn’t what I wanted. I never wanted any of this.”
“No,” I managed. “But it’s what. We got. And I’ll always... always take it. Better than nothing. Nothing at all.”
Everything shimmered, energy from the world rising like drops of dew, then peeling away on an unseen wind like a blown dandelion, the seeds carrying everything away to store in a safe place until it was all ready to be unpacked again.
“But he’s you!”
My hand fell away, as did I.
‘3:37’
The red numbers cut their shape into my clearing vision, their glow forming a sphere that suspended the dark of my room. It sat on the far side of the bed, a chasm stretching between us where its light reminded me of the void, the cold sheets, and the fact that I still had one too many pillows.
I pulled the pillow into an embrace, the numbers blurring as I forced my eyes closed once again, denying what the clock insisted night after night.
On any other night, I wouldn’t have argued. But I had turned a corner, and I was awake at last. I’m alone...no more. I never was. She stayed to make sure I didn’t follow her. She’s fought for me every step of the way. She believed I was worth fighting for... It’s time I proved her right.
[WP] Do you miss what never was? In your mind there’s a face of an imaginary friend that’s just out of focus, one who stood by you at your lowest points. They may have been more than a friend, maybe a lover, but they were never real. Wake up to reality and take your medication. You’re all alone.
